A Dark Wanderer in a Free Obituary Search

A Dark Wanderer in a Free Obituary Search

I think sometimes I'll discover me
dark wanderer
in a free obituary search.
I'll find that I have gone past here
and found a different now.

Drawings of scorpions
and grim reaper drawings
gothic angel art?
I forgot to list their names.
I think it is because they sang
so darkly.

Neon Blue slept here
I feared she would.
She got tired of all those noises.
She got tired of all the screams
that made havoc in her mind.
Projected inappropriately
past those midnight walls
Lily heard her
letting them come out.
Lily and I
in the dark holding hands.
And will hear those memories
forever.

Grim reaper
grim reaper
on my walls
and in my bed
late at night
I hear you breathing.
Obituary searches found my name?
You have stained my heart
caused me forever to know sadness
despite tokens of good cheer
tiny angels will not rest here with ease.
Not for me and not for Lily
despite her well dressed protests.


It is with sadness
colored with regret
I hear her
and yet dear Lily
tiny angel
will forever point toward stars.
In the light I see her
still hopeful.
I always have.

And yet..
Moans come from the closet still.
I want to drag them out
wrap them in a blanket
suffocate their need of me
tie them to the other side
of somewhere I can't find again.
I want to become cold
become a calloused word.

Lily won't speak of it to her
she would not recall it anyway
not an honest story she'd remember.
Perfect not to admit to.
Who would?
I will hold back all those tainted fields.
No daisies
no roses planted with care
no little ponds I wished I could maintain
that would love me back
and lend comfort to a little girl.

In times of weakness
Yes, I think sometimes I'll discover me
dark wanderer
in a free obituary search.
I'll find that I have gone past here
and found a different now
yet I know one thing more
secrets shared
I will always find peace in Lily's arms.


copyright 2008
Kathy Ostman-Magnusen




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"Beautiful Older Women Galleries-Beautiful Women in Competition"

"Beautiful Older Women Galleries-Beautiful Women in Competition"

Gothic angel art
fine art paintings reproductions
beautiful older women galleries
beautiful women in competition
do I fit in?
I line my canvases up in a hallway
picture them there
anywhere
does awe come their way?

I set out to meet the day
creativity reaches for me
rainbows or clouds
I cannot tell as yet.
Fine art paintings
reproduction of my heart.
The sun is showing its head
I smile on past accomplishments.
I am an aritst.

My gothic angel art
my unicorns of crystal
a pegasus I did ride here.
I see beginnings
the gate that leads me to survival.
My lessons are in the doing.
I am an artist.


There is a darkness in me
late at night
still.
I paint by candles
ablaze by my own passion.
Gothic angels
whimsical angels
and older woman
I guess I am all of them.
I am an artist.

It is a toss up
will my frailties trump me
will I bend
will I fly?
I lean toward opportunities
beautiful older women
and their galleries of age
ageless.
The Universe does smile on them
and hand them notes in the hallway.
I patiently wait for mine.
I am an artist.

I can be anything
still
it is never too late!
Fine art
painting reproductions
not my aim
I search to find my inner being.
An artist's brush full of paint
colors bright and fresh
I become everything new.
I am an artist.


Gothic angel art
fine art paintings reproductions
beautiful older women galleries
beautiful women in competition
do I fit in?

by Kathy Ostman-Magnusen
23 March 2007

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